I realize life is all a matter of perspective. Right now my perspective is glass half empty, so be ready.
Do you ever feel like you take one step forward, followed by two steps back? Or like whenever something good, or even decent happens, something else immediately follows to knock you down again?
I've been feeling this way for a while. Let me share an example.
I start a new job. It's different, but different is not always bad. In fact, I like this job a lot. However, I am facing some resistance by someone I work with. Someone who really hasn't accepted me from day one. Someone who never even gave me a chance to prove my worth.
But whatever. I've learned that some people are just like that. It didn't bother me too much. Sure, it was a little annoying, and it made things challenging when I had a question and had no one else to ask, but I can handle myself professionally and deal with it.
But then the person starts to get a little more aggressive. They step up their game. I could sense it coming. In fact, on Monday is when it all began...this person was just breathing down my neck, waiting for me to slip up.
Today, I felt it all morning. As the day progressed, I developed that feeling you get when you are about to take a huge test. Butterflies, shaky hands, I just felt it.
Sure enough, during our weekly meeting, it hit the fan. I was accused, in front of all of the office staff, including my new manager and the physician that is the head of the department of being "too good" to help out in the clinic. That I was "above" bringing patients back, and cleaning the room after them. That whenever I was asked to help, I would refuse.
Jaw. Meet floor. Might as well punch me in the stomach, because the air was instantly sucked out of me.
What?? WHAT??! "Too good?" Let me make a public announcement to anyone who might not already know: when you are a nurse, you go into it knowing that it is FAR from glamorous. You become very involved with every bodily fluid imaginable. You see people at their absolute worst. You get yelled at by family members. You get yelled at by patients. You get yelled at my physicians. And yet, you still love your job with everything you've got. You love it because you love taking care of people. Helping them. Getting to know them on a level no one else will ever know. Being the last person they might see before they pass away.
TOO GOOD? No. That couldn't be further from the truth, and how dare someone make that assumption??? I pour my heart and soul into my job. I don't do it for any reason other than I LOVE it. I love my patients and there is NEVER a time where I regret my decision to be a nurse.
Being accused of something SO extremely asinine, and in front of my coworkers, boss, and the other physicians just took the wind right out of my sails. I handled it like any professional would. I gently picked my jaw up off the floor, reminded myself to breath, walked to my office, shut the door, and cried my eyes out.
This was at 1 PM and I still can't contain just how BAD that hurt me. I still keep blinking back tears. I feel like I am in a fog.
Right now, I feel really, really crummy. REALLY crummy. I am obviously big on social networking. I blog a lot, I love facebook, and I participate on several different parenting sites.
This incident made me step back. This isn't the first time someone has made assumptions about me. No, I don't blame social networking at all. But I am tired of putting myself out there so publicly. I'm tired of allowing other people who do not know me at all, bring me down. I'll instead focus on the people that DO know me. That know my heart and mind.
I'm taking a break.