Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Things are going a bit better. I think a big part of my issue is how sleepy I am all the time. Regardless of how tired I am during the day, though, I struggle to sleep at night and end up with only 4ish hours at a time. That is SO not enough for me. So then I spend the entire next day feely super tired and groggy. Now I know the logical thing to do would be to find something to help me sleep, but oh, I am one step ahead of you! I have a prescription sleeping pill, and I have also used Tylenol PM and Simply Sleep. They work. I fall asleep fast and deep. But I am still really tired the next day.

Damned if I do, damned if I don't, no?

I am trying to stay busy to help with my mood. The bottom line here is that I am going to feel tired, whether I stay home or I go out. I am happier when I am out. So I am trying to get out of the house as much as I can. It's working! Miss Allison and I have started walking while Ethan is at school. On Ethan's off days, we don't walk, but we still get things done around the house. And bonus... I get exercize!

Now, enough about me...how about those babies?

Ethan had his first dentist appointment a few weeks ago and did amazingly well. He was really nervous, but I went first and he was really calm during his turn. He also has 4 loose teeth right now!! The top to are just slightly loose, but the bottom 2 are VERY loose. I can't wait to see how he looks without his teeth!!

He is doing so well with reading. I was reading my own book and he was snuggled up next to me and I could hear him whispering the words he knew.. I was very impressed! I love how much HE loves to learn.

Miss Allison is just growing WAY too fast! This past Sunday she finally started to crawl, and just today I felt her first tooth poking through! She can pull herself to standing quite easily now, which scares me. It's exciting at the same time. She just amazes me! Oh, and I finally got her to copy me when I say "ma ma ma"... so now that's all I hear! She follows me around saying "Ma ma! Ma ma!" It just melts me.

That's about it for now. Ethan has school tomorrow. I will do my normal get up with Allison at 6:30, take a nap with her when she does her first morning nap, but THEN I plan to take her to the park because it is supposed to be gorgeous out.

I will post some pictures soon.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Today was semi-better. I still just have no motivation to do anything, and it sucks. Especially when I have two kids that love to do things, and they are used to a Mama that also loves to be out and about.

Allison is what I would consider a high maintenence baby. She is extremely sweet but she needs constant attention or she gets upset. Ethan was (and still is) the exact opposite. He can play by himself for hours. The longest Allison will really play by herself is maybe 10-15 minutes, and that is rare that she will do that. By the end of the day, you are pretty exhausted and just need some alone time.

It doesn't help that work has been extremely demanding lately. It's crazy busy and patients have a hard time realizing that they are 1 in a group of 6, and the nurse has more work than hours in her shift.

Tonight Jay and I escaped for dinner, just the two of us. That was nice, and much needed.

I know things will get easier. It always seems that just when you think you can't do something anymore, it gets better. Next week Ethan goes back to school, so we will slip back into our normal routine.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

I am in a serious funk. Well, not like SERIOUS serious, just serious.

I have battled with anxiety for as long as I can remember. It hit it's peak after Ethan was born and then when I broke my foot when he was 4 months old, I hit what I would consider "rock bottom". I was one of THOSE patients...the crazy ones. We'll spare the details, but since that day, I have been on some sort of anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication.

I had to try out numerous different types until I found one that was right for me. My issue is anxiety, mostly at night. My doctor has also implied that I have some OCD, but my OCD comes in the form of obsessing about morbid thoughts of things that could happen to my children. OBSESSING. And also becoming obsessed with the thought of my house burning down whenever I leave, so I end up unplugging random things and double, triple, quadruple checking to make sure the dryer was off and the iron was unplugged and upright.

I finally found the perfect pill for me and I have been on it for the last 3 years, with the exception of being pregnant with Allison. It was worked so well for me.

These last few weeks, though, even though I am still taking my medication, I have been crabby, irritable, stressed, and tense. My patience is super thin. I don't know what the deal is! I need to snap out of it, though, because I know my kids can sense it, and that's not fair to them. I am hoping to get some time to get out and go for walks, because it seems to help my attitude. I am also going to hope that work isn't so crazy, but that is totally wishful thinking...

Think good thoughts!