Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Just so I'm not being super vague about the "issues" we are having, I figured I would dedicate a post entirely to that.

It's regarding Ethan. He is very smart and sweet. He has a heart of gold and is always eager to please people. He is very cuddly and loving. He's just super fun to be around and is constantly making us laugh.

However, ever since he was a baby, he has been very stubborn and somewhat strong-willed. He gets the stubborn side from both his father and I. Double whammy. He gets really upset about things that most kids would just shrug off. He doesn't forget easily. For instance, when he was about 2, we were at a birthday party. He kept wanting to play in the cooler that was holding all the drinks. He liked the ice. When I told him no and tried to distract him with something else, he got very upset and threw a huge temper tantrum. I realize that this is normal for a kid to throw a tantrum, especially at that age, but he wouldn't stop. We ended up having to leave the party because he was so upset.

He's 6 now. He does VERY well in school. He loves to learn and has an amazing attention span. He is also extremely creative. He loves designing things and building things. It's very impressive. Yet he still has issues with coping. He is very sensitve to unpredictability. If things come up that aren't planned, he pretty much shuts down. When he gets upset about something, he is very dramatic and sometimes extreme. If he falls or trips, it's pretty much guaranteed that he will cry. He is a lot worse for me than he is his dad, which makes it hard since it's mostly just me at home with both kids since Jay works 5-6 days per week. Yesterday he was great for me all morning. Then something set him off, I have no idea what, and he got very mouthy with me. I have learned that ignoring the mouthiness does nothing, so I sent him to his room. This made him even more mad and he ended up pushing his TV off the stand. I was so surprised. He still was never able to tell me what upset him in the first place.

I'm not sure what to do about it. I tried addressing these concerns with his current pediatrician, but they were so rushy with me, we never got to it. I am in the process of finding another one. We will get through this and I'm not taking it lightly, because I don't want him to struggle. I just feel like I am failing him as his mother because I don't know what to do for him. We are very open right now with our feelings.

So that's what's going on.

Monday, August 30, 2010

All my life I have wanted to be the mother to a girl. When I found out Ethan was a boy, I will admit, I was a little sad, but that night I went shopping and bought my first baby boy clothes fir him, and from that point on, I was so excited about him. When he was born, he was my only child for 4 years and I just felt such a strong sense of closeness with him. He was my BABY! I was so worried about having another baby because I didn't want anything or anyone to interfere with the love I have for my child. It was a bit extreme, yes, but it was how I felt.

When the pregnancy test read "pregnant" on Christmas day 2008, the first words out of my mouth were "it's a girl!" I even bought little girl clothes before we knew her gender, I was THAT certain. Sure enough, my sweet Allison Jay will be turning 1 on August 31. Happy birthday to my little dream come true.

I love my kids so passionately. They both complete me in ways that only they can. They are my life. The worries I had about raising a boy vanished when I saw my sweet boys face. The worries I had of Ethan feeling left out or alone when Allison was born vanished when I saw just how much he adores her and still to this day goes out of his way to protect her.

I have really great kids. We are going through a struggle right now, but I truly feel in my heart that we are on the right track right now. My kids come first so if there is something I need to do, I will do it if it means I will strengthen the connection with them.

I love you to the moon and back, Ethan and Allison. I am proud to be your mom. You complete our family in more ways than one and I am so excited to see what the future holds for all of us.


Thursday, August 26, 2010

It is such a shame that I slacked so much on blogging throughout Allison's first year. I did it religiously when Ethan was a baby (and all through his pregnancy, too!). I guess life just started to get in the way. The urge to update people was met by myspace first, and then facebook. I didn't have to rely on my journal or blog to keep my family updated, because I could make quick updates and show pictures on another forum. But even though it was more convenient for me at the time, now I have nothing to look back on.

So let's play catch-up. Ethan is 6 and is starting first grade in a week. He is NOT excited. He is so smart, though, and I am excited to see what he learns. I have some concerns about his anxiety and his lack of desire to leave the house. He's just different, in that sense. He worries about crazy things. Things that make sense to worry about, but things that most kids aren't even aware of. Things that, to me, prevent him from just enjoying his childhood. But we are working on that, so we'll re-address that later.

He is so smart! I know I already said that, but he is. He loves designing things. He loves the concept of different levels in a video game, and will take that and draw endless pictures of all these different levels in a made-up video game. He also likes to write out steps to things... like the steps involved in rearranging his room, for example. He also loves to build with Lego's and just tonight he created a "board game" out of his Lego's. It was very intricate and he had a set of rules to go with it. Very clever and creative. The boy has an amazing mind.

He also has an amazing heart. His love for his family is just overwhelming. This is part of where his anxiety comes in, but he is so protective of Allison. He adores her and he loves making her smile (which isn't hard to do, because she equally adores him!). He also is just as much a daddy's boy as he is a momma's boy. It makes me smile because he will say things like "when I get older, you will still snuggle me, right?" and I think to myself "I hope so!" but in reality, I know there will come a time where snuggling your mom is totally NOT cool.

Allison is just a doll. She is fearless and tough. She just learned how to give kisses, including the "smack" sound with her lips. She loves baby dolls and is frequently found walking around with them and occasionally pulling them away from her little chest to check on them. She will pat their backs and say "awwww". We often have to remind her to "be nice!" when petting the dogs because she gets overly excited and starts whacking away at their heads as they blink defensively. She is a GREAT eater (unlike big brother) and loves anything and everything, including lima beans! ...just don't offer her watermelon because it makes her gag.

She is cutting teeth like crazy. Her two bottom teeth are in, but her top teeth are coming in quite strange. She just has one of the fang type teeth on top, then the middle top tooth is slightly coming through. To put it bluntly, and I can say this because I am her mother and nobody loves you like your mother...she looks like a little hillbilly with their crazy teeth (or lack of). But she makes hillbillies look good, because, aside from the strange teeth, she is just gorgeous. She has super blonde hair, super blue eyes, and the most kissable cheeks I have ever seen.

So in a nutshell, the kids are doing great. Jay and I are doing great, too. Our kids are our world and we just love being parents. Everything we do is for them. I will get some pictures up here very soon, promise! And I promise to post more often. Not for an audience (I have one on facebook) but for my memories. Time goes by so fast, it's so easy to forget. I don't want to forget.