Sunday, February 12, 2012

I just had the most wonderful weekend with my kids.  It could not have come at a better time, too.

Jay didn't go, simply because we didn't have anyone to watch our high maintenance dogs, and then with him having to work out of state all week, he wouldn't have been able to go anyhow.

So yeah.  The kids and I packed up the car and headed to Frankenmuth for the weekend.  I was a "bad mom" and called Ethan off school, even though technically I didn't have to.  Him and I both had a heck of a week at school/work, so it only seemed fair to each of us to have some peace and quiet for a little bit.  Sort of regroup, if you will.

Then, around 2:00 PM, we hit the road!  We got there around 3:45 after getting a quick lunch at McDonald's.  My parents and sister were already there, waiting for our arrival in the hotel lobby so they could help me out with the kids and getting checked in (bless them!).  We found our rooms, changed into our swimsuits, and hit the pool!  Both of my kids are little fish.  It's so much fun watching them (a little scary, too!  No fear in these children).  We had a blast.  They were just SO happy to be there.  And I was so happy to be there WITH them.
Remember my previous post about perspective?  I really really REALLY thought about that this weekend.  I am allowing myself to be hurt by someone elses actions.  Maybe I shouldn't, but then I'd be kidding myself, and that's not healthy, either.  But to go back to perspective, this person has made assumptions about me.  False assumptions.  And is not shy about telling anyone and everyone, EXCEPT me.  Wanna know what I call that?  Cowardly.  If you can say it out loud, at least own it.  That was the realization I came to this weekend.  And being with these two, precious little beings, who love me, flaws and all, really taught me what is important and what is not.
Ethan and Allison?  Those two are my world.  And I thank God for every moment with them, because no matter what I do (or don't do), no matter how I look, feel, or act.  They love me.

Saturday night Allison got sick.  She started with the signs of croup, just barking like a little seal as she would cough and cough.  Then she felt feverish, though I had no way of confirming it other than mother's intuition.  Then it started to where she would cough so hard and fiercely, she would vomit.  Bottom line?  There wasn't much sleep.  The sleep that WAS had, was had by her.  Again, another great moment to gain perspective.  Her warm body was wrapped within mine, as she did not want me far from her at all.  When she would awaken and whisper out a "Mama!" or when she would start to whimper, I was right there, tending to her needs.  Offering a sip of water.  Wiping her nose.  Rubbing her back.  Or just giving her my hand when she'd reach out into the darkness.  I was there.  And she knew it.  Ethan slept through most of this, but even though his sister was sick and coughing a ton, he still wanted to be right there with us.  Occasionally I'd feel him stir, knowing that all of our movement was disturbing him, but he never complained.  We had a whole other queen sized bed that was empty, but he chose to stay with us.

Perspective.  When someone I love and cares about, ESPECIALLY my family, I am there, no questions asked.  When my sister was hanging on to life by her fingertips, I was there, catching every detail the doctor said.  Scrutinizing every word that WASN'T spoken.  Calling them in when everyone else had gone home so I could try to get more information from them.  Information they might relay to me because I am in the medical field and would get it. 

Every breath my kids breathe.  Every cry, every laugh, I am there.  Every set back my sister had.  Every moment one of my parents would crumble under the uncertainty of her condition, I was there.  Jay and I, we have been together since we were 16, and have gone through the worst times of our lives together, times that could split people up, but it didn't.  He is always there.

The loss of pets, the loss of family members, the loss of patients, the loss of friendships, those that love me...they are there.  And I am there for them.

We got home from Frankenmuth by 12:00.  I promptly handed Allison over to Jay who was just dying to snuggle her, did some laundry, then took the world's longest nap.  I was able to do that because my husband knew that after our sleepless night last night, I was tired.  So no questions were asked when I walked to our bed and fell promptly to sleep.

So this person.  You can make assumptions.  You can shout them from the rooftops, if it will make you feel better.  But I'll be damned if I let you define who I am.

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