Today was semi-better. I still just have no motivation to do anything, and it sucks. Especially when I have two kids that love to do things, and they are used to a Mama that also loves to be out and about.

Allison is what I would consider a high maintenence baby. She is extremely sweet but she needs constant attention or she gets upset. Ethan was (and still is) the exact opposite. He can play by himself for hours. The longest Allison will really play by herself is maybe 10-15 minutes, and that is rare that she will do that. By the end of the day, you are pretty exhausted and just need some alone time.

It doesn't help that work has been extremely demanding lately. It's crazy busy and patients have a hard time realizing that they are 1 in a group of 6, and the nurse has more work than hours in her shift.

Tonight Jay and I escaped for dinner, just the two of us. That was nice, and much needed.

I know things will get easier. It always seems that just when you think you can't do something anymore, it gets better. Next week Ethan goes back to school, so we will slip back into our normal routine.

I am in a serious funk. Well, not like SERIOUS serious, just serious.

I have battled with anxiety for as long as I can remember. It hit it's peak after Ethan was born and then when I broke my foot when he was 4 months old, I hit what I would consider "rock bottom". I was one of THOSE patients...the crazy ones. We'll spare the details, but since that day, I have been on some sort of anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication.

I had to try out numerous different types until I found one that was right for me. My issue is anxiety, mostly at night. My doctor has also implied that I have some OCD, but my OCD comes in the form of obsessing about morbid thoughts of things that could happen to my children. OBSESSING. And also becoming obsessed with the thought of my house burning down whenever I leave, so I end up unplugging random things and double, triple, quadruple checking to make sure the dryer was off and the iron was unplugged and upright.

I finally found the perfect pill for me and I have been on it for the last 3 years, with the exception of being pregnant with Allison. It was worked so well for me.

These last few weeks, though, even though I am still taking my medication, I have been crabby, irritable, stressed, and tense. My patience is super thin. I don't know what the deal is! I need to snap out of it, though, because I know my kids can sense it, and that's not fair to them. I am hoping to get some time to get out and go for walks, because it seems to help my attitude. I am also going to hope that work isn't so crazy, but that is totally wishful thinking...

Think good thoughts!

Time for an update!

Ethan: Loves to read. Prefers winter over spring/summer. Hates bees. Still loves Mario. And Spongebob. Is very much a daddy's boy, and if you ask him what he wants to be when he grows up, he'll say "I wanna be just like my dad." Hates getting up early for school. Loves chocolate milk and kiwi. Has a lot of friends at school. Was told he can no longer sit by a certain little girl at school anymore because they talk too much.

Allison: Growing WAY too fast! Will be 7 months next week. Learned how to pull herself up in her crib today. Gets a little nervous around strangers. Loves pulling her socks off. Has very sensitve skin. Rolls all over the floor. Puts everything in her mouth. Is super ticklish.

Katie Viger

The unimaginable struck the 6th floor at Henry Ford Wyandotte hospital early Friday morning.

One of our own, Katie Viger, had passed away. Most of us, in the backs of our minds, knew that the moment was unavoidable, as a diagnosis of brain cancer is never very encouraging. However, that did not prevent us all from praying with everything we had that a miracle would occur. How could God take a 23 year old, fresh from nursing school and SO full of life? You just can't make sense of that. Surely there MUST be a miracle that is going to happen.

Well, the miracle DID come. Sweet Katie, whom we all loved so much, became an angel. God saw her pain. He saw how scared she was. And he performed a miracle that only he can, and took the pain and fear away. I have no doubt in my mind that Katie is happy, healthy, and likely making all the other angels laugh with her awesome sense of humor. You HAD to notice the sunshine these past couple days, right? Coincidence?

I have been sad about Katie's passing. I don't believe I have cried, though, until I started thinking about her mom. I do not know her mom. I've never met her. I don't even know her name. But her and I have a big connection... we are both mothers. And we both have daughters.

When you have kids, it's like you are automatically given a set list of hopes and dreams for them... school, dances, first love, weddings, college, kids, etc. You don't expect to have that taken from you. Ever. Katie's mom did, and because of that, my heart just aches for her. I cry tears for what she will never get to experience with her daughter. I cry tears for those memories that will never happen. It's excruciating. Losing a child. It shouldn't happen, ever. And it happened to her.

Hopefully someday, she will reflect on all the amazing years she had with Katie. The memories they have already created. Hopefully she will realize that you do not need your child to be on this Earth to still be their mother. She will forever be Katie's mom. And Katie will always be her little girl.

I love and pray for you, Katie. I wish things were different, but God had other plans for you. And to Katie's mom, because of your sweet girl, I will forever hug my kids a little tighter, snuggle them a little longer, take lots of pictures, and never make excuses for an opportunity to make a memory. Because you never know when that'll be all you have left... memories.

You are not crying alone. And Katie's memory will live on through all of those that love and know her. Thank you for sharing so much with all of us.

Sick baby and a happy boy

My little Allie-girl is sick! She has her first cold. It started Wednesday evening. We were on a playdate with my friend when she started coughing. Now she has a really harsh cough, a lot of congestion, and a very runny nose. I am a little worried, just because Ethan was and is so healthy. He hardly ever gets sick. Allison is only 5 months old! We're just managing her symptoms...lots of saline spray, the humidifier is running, and she is getting lots of snuggles from mommy and daddy. I hope she feels better soon!

Yesterday was a VERY special day. Ethan recently saw The Wizard of Oz movie and he fell in love with it. Naturally, when we saw it was coming to the Fisher, we knew we had to take him. We decided to surprise him with it. We told him we were taking him on a date to his favorite restaurant, Olive Garden. This alone made him so happy. It was his first time out with both of us, without Allison. He was so excited. He was absolutely wonderful at dinner. Very chatty and sweet. He kept telling us how much he loved eating there. As we were finishing up, Jay handed him the tickets. As he read what they said, a small smile creeped up on his face and he was so excited!!

He loved the play. He was mesmorized by it all. He clapped after each song. He especially loved how Toto was played by a real dog. All in all, it was just the perfect night. I try not to set expectations about events because I don't want to be disappointed, but there was not a thing I would change about that night. It was wonderful to see him SO happy.

That's about all. I think I want to start scrapbooking again. I love making memories with my kids so much, I want to be able to look back on them someday and remember it perfectly.

The Shred

I have quite a history of buying gym memberships and then not using them. Don't we ALL do this, though?

Because of this bad habit, I am hesitant to buy a new one, even though I am still carrying extra baby weight from the baby I delivered almost 6 YEARS ago. Add to that the 5 month old I have, and that's a lot of weight, if you ask me.

While shopping at Target one day, I saw Jillian Michaels "The Shred" DVD for sale. I had heard good things about it, so I bought it.

The first time I put it in the DVD player, it started out with Jillian talking about how much weight you can lose in just 30 days. She also said the work out was very short... 20 minutes, I think?

What she DIDN'T say was how ridiculously hard it is. There are three levels to choose from. I chose the first, but figured it might just be too easy. Yeah. No. It was hard. It started off with push ups. You do them for 30 seconds, but I never actually got to DO the push-ups (like I could do a push-up anyways...) because I spent those 30 seconds looking for something nice and soft to cushion my achy knees.

Next we did lunges. With each lunge, my knees would crack. Then I realized my weights were to heavy, so I spent all THAT time trying to unscrew the weights off the ends of the bars.

The next part involved laying on the floor doing crunches, then standing and doing squats. It took me so long to get off the floor and into the squat position, that by the time I was up and ready, it was time to lay back down. I huffed and puffed and broke a sweat, and never actually DID the exercise.

The last part involved laying on the ground and pedaling my legs in the air. HAHAHA! Have you SEEN these legs? They are serious business. And not to mention HEAVY! As soon as I would even get them an inch off the ground, I would realize I was holding my abs (or lack, thereof) so freaking tight, I couldn't breathe. So here is Jillian, with her super skinny legs telling me "you don't get abs like these without work!" and me attempting to raise my thunder thighs off the ground, meanwhile making god awful noises out of my mouth (sounded kind of like "whoooooooo! heeeeeeee! ooomph!) and silently cursing her skinny-ness.

I'm not so sure this will work. I want to be thin. But it's just too much effort. And anyways. I really hate to sweat.

Frankenmuth

I'm a big ol' liar, aren't I? Saying I'd post and then I don't. Shame on me!

I guess it's safe to say that no news from me is good news! All is well in our household.

We just got home from an overnight stay in Frankenmuth. It was totally a spur of the moment decision to go. I am so glad we did! We had a great time. We left Thursday around 11 and got there around 1. Thankfully, our room was ready so we checked in and headed straight to the pool. I am proud to say that my obsessive shopping has paid off because I had already purchased a bathing suit for Miss Allison so we were all planning on swimming. Ethan loves pools and jumps in like a little fish. Miss Allison was quite indifferent to it. She didn't smile, but she didn't cry. I think she was just trying to figure out why her bathtub got so big and her entire family was in it with her.

They also had an arcade so Daddy and Ethan spent some boy time playing video games. This is where I am so thankful I have a little girl, because we spent OUR time window shopping at the gift shops and snuggling in the hotel room. Granted she is only 5 months old, but I think she enjoys our girl time just as much as I do.

Of course, being in Frankenmuth, we couldn't pass up on the chicken dinner. I think I ate my weight in mashed potatoes and noodles (and trust me...that's A LOT!) Miss Allison got to sample some applesauce that was NOTHING like the applesauce I give her at home. This kind was loaded with yummy cinnamon and sugar. The delight on her face was unmistakable and the grunting she'd do when I pulled the spoon away told me that I created a monster with this one.

Today we came home, but not before hitting the pool "one last time!" and redeeming all the tickets Ethan and Daddy earned the night before. Ethan is now the proud owner of a $20 top. It was "the coolest toy ever!" but now that we are home, I am pretty certain it is already lost.

Getting away was so much fun. It was our first time as a family of 4 and I think I like it that way. We are already brainstorming our next "trip."