New job update!
I think I finally pinpointed how I have been feeling towards my new job. Hourly, it sounds wonderful: no weekends, no holidays, off at 4:30. But realistically, I have been kinda missing the days off during the week when I'd do story time at the library with Allison, or I'd surprise Ethan at school and have lunch with him or volunteer in his classroom. I live for those moments.
But then when I really think about it. I mean really think about it, I find that I am allowing myself to love this job. Yes, I miss those times. Yes, I feel guilty. Yes, I do wish I could still do it. But by forcing myself to yearn for those times that are not available to me, I was not allowing myself to fully enjoy what my new reality was. And now that I have let go of that guilt, I am finding that I am very, very happy at this position. I still stand in awe of these 4 amazing physicians. When you work inpatient, the doctors are in and out before you can even blink your eyes. When you work in a clinic, you are with them the whole day, so you really get to know them and see them as more than just doctors. They are so genuine, intelligent, and compassionate. I love watching them work, and when I get to sit in on their meetings where they discuss patients on a case by case basis, I am just blown away.
My mom always said she thought I'd be the daughter that was the stay-at-home mom, house-wife kind of girl. It's funny, because so did I! But I love my dual life as a mom and full-time nurse. I love it, love it.
I'm allowing myself to love it, love it.