Had you asked me a few months ago if I had plans of leaving my current nursing position, I would have said with 110% certainty, "Heck no!"
I truly feel that God had a hand in the position I am currently in. See, when I was hired, I was still in nursing school. I applied to be an extern. The interview process consisted of a bunch of nervous nursing students sitting one at a time in front of a board of managers. The mangers would shoot out questions, the nervous nursing student would answer, and then the managers would decide who wanted which student, and which students left without a job.
I was chosen to be on the 6th floor, and I have loved it from the very beginning. I still love it today. Sure, I have a lot of shifts where I leave feeling like I was in a 12 hour tornado, and I am almost CERTAIN that during every shift I work, at some point or another, I mutter the words, "I wish I could replicate myself! There is one of me and 6 of them!" ...but I love my job. I love my coworkers. I love my manager and our charge nurse...we have a GREAT group of people. If I were ever sick, or a loved one of mine were ever sick, there would be no hesitation in my mind to request for them to go to 6.
Unfortunately, I have come to a point in my life where I need more consistency. A more set schedule. More reliability on what my days will be like. And just like that, a position opened. My patients would still be oncology patients, but they will be outpatient as opposed to inpatient. My schedule would be set, and there would be no weekends or holidays. It's funny how one minute I can feel like my life is all out of whack and then an opportunity like this opens up.
When I saw the position, I submitted my resume thinking, "We'll see!" I didn't hear anything for a while, and started to think that it wasn't meant to be at this time, and I was okay with that. But then I had a message on my machine. Asking for an interview. The very next day. ACK! Waaaaaaaaait wait wait. I had to go. It would be silly NOT to, and how would I ever know if it was meant for me or not? I'll be honest, the whole way there, I recited off how I was going to politely decline the position, but when I got to talking about it with the managers, it all came out so, so easily. I am terrible at being put on the spot, which is exactly what an interview is, but when they would say "Tell us about a time you dealt with a difficult physician and how did you handle that?" I had a story. When they said "Tell us about a time you went above and beyond for a patient." ...I had a story for that, too. When they said, "Tell us how you detach yourself from the sadness you see at your current position (hospice, cancer) when you leave and go home for the night." ...and I honestly said that a lot of the times, I don't detach myself. I've BEEN THERE. No, my sister didn't have cancer. But she was critical. She was living minute to minute, followed by day to day. When I was with her, I wasn't a nurse, I was simply the patients sister. So when I am in my nursing role, I never EVER forget. While I may only see these people 12 hours out of a day, their stress doesn't end at 7PM like mine does.
I drove home from that interview feeling very strange. In one sense, I was pleased, because when I speak about being a nurse, every bit of it is from the very depths of my heart. It's so easy for me, because I am so passionate about it. Speaking about something I love so dearly puts me in a very great mood.
But as I drove home, my mind shifted back to 6. And the tears welled up in my eyes. My first "real" job. My friends. My patients. The patients I have lost that I still think about daily. Leaving that place? Walking away? Tears. my. heart. out.
I'm torn. This other position has not been offered to me yet. There are other people interviewing. Do I think this would be a great fit for me? YES. There are many areas of my life right now that are a little fuzzy, so the set schedule would help me tremendously. But leaving my "home" is HARD.
Regardless of what happens...if I don't get this position, I might be a little sad, but I know that I am still going to have my job on 6, where I love. If I do get offered the position, I will most likely accept it, and have to go through the sadness of change. I pray I make the right decision. I pray I am doing the right thing for me and my children.
Again...that manual I was talking about?? You know, the one about "Laura's Life?" ....right about now I'd skip to the chapter titled "Career Choices" and read what the right answer is. Oh, right. There is no such book. So I have to make these decisions on my own. Gulp.