Sunday, December 26, 2010

One step forward, two steps back. Two steps forward, one step back. Every day is the same, and every day is different.

I talked to Leslie on the phone today, around late afternoon time, and one of the first things she said to me was "I'm hungry!". I told her she probably had lots of leftovers from her Christmas dinner, and she should warm something up, all the while, knowing that every suggestion I was making, she was forgetting them probably almost immediately. When I hung up with her, this just wasn't sitting well with me. I called her back about an hour later, and much to my relief, they were getting ready to order some pizza, but I told her I would bring them by a Frosty later in the evening.

When I got to her house tonight around 9, she was wearing the same clothes she had worn all day yesterday. She also slept in them. When I asked her about that, she just kind of shrugged. I took her back into her bedroom and she put her pajamas on. We also laid out fresh, clean clothes for tomorrow. While I was doing this, I noticed she was crying. I asked her what was wrong, and she said "I just never have fun anymore." I asked her what she would like to do that was fun, and she suggested a "girls dinner" with my mom and I, but then she quickly added "but we do that all the time and I'm still not any better."

This part literally breaks my heart. It was torture leaving her house tonight with her crying. She is so desperate to get better. She does not accept that it will take time, and that it will be a slow process. How do you accept that, though, when everything changed to this with the blink of an eye. Why can't the reverse be the same? It's not fair. It's not fair to me, it's not fair to my parents, it's not fair to her husband, but most of all, it's not fair to her. We can all throw pity parties for ourselves because our lives are being changed against our consent (and trust me, there are parties galore!) but the bigger picture is OUR lives haven't changed at all. It's HER life that is upside down and backwards, and her life was going so amazingly well before this. She did absolutely nothing to trigger such an event.

It's not fair. And I don't know how to make things easier for her.

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