Sunday, December 15, 2013

Been a while since I posted.  My apologies!  Last week was super busy.  Work was crazy, as usual.

Thursday night we had conferences.  I waited WEEKS for this moment.  More specifically, after the desk dumping incident (Oh, you don't know about that?  I will enlighten you later, surly).  I have been counting down the minutes until conferences.  I just wanted to know what her plan was.  Was their progress or more issues?  I wanted to know.

Unfortunately, I missed conferences because I was with Ethan at a counseling session.  After I ready his little messages about "needing a break" and "wishing I wasn't here", I got moving and got him help.  Our session went WAY over and I missed it.  Jay was there, though, and it didn't go how conferences typically go.  Ethan's report card indicated he was right on track with the exception of the areas she complains the most about:  organization, independence, finishing a task, etc.  Then she acted like she had nothing more to say, so she asked Jay what he wanted to talk about.  Uhhh...Ethan?  So Jay laid it all out.  He told her what we do at home for him.  The structure, the expectations, the pediatric specialist as well as the counselor, the different diagnoses floating around and the medication, etc.  Then he put the ball back in her court:  What are you doing for him at school to help?  First she said she didn't understand what he meant.  He rephrased it (ie. repeated himself) which must have given her time to come up with something, because she shot out, "your wife enables him."  Jay cut her off.  He never asked her opinion on our parenting.  He wants to know... our child is in your care 7 hours per day, 5 days per week.  It's clear he is a handful for you.  What are you doing to help the situation?  She had nothing again, and said "maybe we better meet again another time."

I've already done my crying and ranting over how this went down, because from my perspective, I am doing everything I can think of to help my son.  EVERYTHING.

I just think about it like this:  I remember being in third grade.  Ethan is in 4th, but it goes to show how far back you remember details.  I had a HARD teacher and I was a GOOD kid.  One day she absolutely humiliated me.  We were going around the room reading out loud numbers in the 1,000's.  When it got to my turn, I froze.  She threw her chalk on the ground and went crazy.  I was mortified.  I'm 31 now and that still sticks with me.  How humiliating!  How about show me how to read the number rather than make me feel so stupid.

So with that story, that makes me believe that Ethan will remember his 4th grade year and what happened.

Let's play devils advocate.  Instead of two loving, doting parents, he now has 1 parent.  The other is absent  The one parent does not have an education and has to work multiple jobs to make ends meet.  Money is tight and tension is high.  The one parent is gone all the time.  Maybe even starts resorting to drug use to help ease the stress and tension.  Drug use could mean shady characters are entering said childs house.  People a child should not be around.  Dealers.  And now single parent is parenting high or under the influence.  Child might not directly see or understand, but child knows: this isn't normal.  Child struggles in school.  Parent makes zero effort to help.  Child feels all alone at school, then comes home to an empty house.  No food on the table and strangers meandering in and out.  Child has no structure.  No meal time, bed time, family time.  Child feel alone at school.  Comes home, and feels alone.  No one cares.  Who knows what will happen to that now teen.  But there were clear as day signs and no one read them.  No one intervened.

I know I can be seen as overly dramatic with Ethan and that is not my intention.  Everything I do for him, every decision I make is because I love him SO MUCH and want him to be happy.  My child showed the signs.  He KNOWS I care.  I will fight until my last breath for that child or any of my children, and they know it.

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