Sunday, April 28, 2013

"So when Evan comes, he's probably going to get all the attention." -Ethan

Oh, my heart.

I love my children more than anything in the world.  They are my everything.  But the things I wish I could get my firstborn to understand are as follows:
Ethan, YOU are the little being that gave me the title I wanted my entire life:  mom.  If there is one thing I knew, even as a little girl, it was that I wanted to be a mother.  Soon after daddy and I got married, we knew we were ready.  You were SO wanted, long before you were even conceived.

You entered the world in true Ethan fashion.  On your own time, at your own pace.  The feelings I remember most when bringing you home was how big of a job I had now.  You were so tiny, less than 6 pounds, but all of your needs relied on me.  Being fed, changed, held, loved, you could do none of it yourself.  It was such a HUGE responsibility!  I remember realizing that my role in this life became so much more significant.  I had to do everything in my power to make sure you never went without.  It is exactly why when you were 6 months old, I went back to school to be a nurse. 

You and I were buddies.  I took you everywhere.  People would comment on how I had you out in public so soon, but wherever I went, I wanted you with me.  We were one.

I remember the struggles of being in nursing school.  The stress and tears that were shed weekly.  I remember your sweet face, giving me that nudge to keep pushing forward.

I remember the day my nursing school friends and I all graduated and we met for lunch at Buffalo Wild Wings.  I brought you with me, because you were the biggest reason I finished. 

I remember finding out I was pregnant with your sister.  We tried to conceive her for over a year, so finding out I was pregnant was such joy and happiness, but I had this tiny speck of worry in my heart:  I didn't want to lose you as my only.  I never wanted you to feel left out or less important.  You were such a good sport, though.  You were only 5 when she was born and I clearly remember when you came in to the delivery room to meet her, carrying a single rose with a card you wrote all by yourself:  "Love, Ethan", written in a way any 5 year old would.  I cried, because I was just so happy to see you.

You've had your struggles and we've had some challenges, but I never want you to forget:  you are amazing.  I adore you and your quirky ways.  You are the smartest little boy I know, and I can see you going so far in whatever you choose to do.  Soon you will be the big brother to two little siblings, but you will forever hold such a special place in my heart. 

I pray you never, ever forget that. 

I love you, sweet boy.

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