Woke up this morning to my cell phone blinking red indicating I had a message. The message was from my sister saying "Are you up? I need to ask you something." Unfortunately, I was not up, so I didn't see it until morning.
Then I log into facebook and see her status say, "Now what?" Sounds vague. Maybe even accidentaly, like she meant to post it on someone else's post.
But I knew. I knew she was sad. I knew today was one of her bad days. I called her. She answered. I asked her how she was, and she said fine. I then rephrased my question and said, "What is bothering you? You seem sad." There was a long pause. I knew this indicated she was crying, but trying not to. She finally said, "Just everything." I tried to get more information out of her, but then ended up inviting both her and my mom over to visit.
Leslie sat quietly on my couch. I didn't want to make her cry, and I knew pretty much any question I asked was going to trigger the tears, but because I love her, I had to know. "Why are you sad? Is it about your job?"
(Just an FYI - she got another letter asking what her plan was related to her teaching position. Does she have a return date or would it be another year?)
For some reason, these letters hit her HARD. They bother her greatly. She knows what she has to do, but she doesn't want to do it, because it's like throwing in the towel.
I know for me, being a nurse is my passion. I love it and have zero regrets. This is how teaching is for Leslie. Every school she worked at before, she was a VERY influential person who brought so much to the job. Kids loved her. She just had a way about her. You'd think she was Mama Duggar the way she would gently discipline. Little did many know, she not only HAD any children, she didn't WANT any children! When she finally landed her job at Brownstown Middle School, she was over the moon excited. She spent hours that turned into days preparing. She was so organized and always made sure she was ready to go before her students arrived.
WHY, then, did she only get 2 weeks of teaching before it was ripped out of her hands?
This letter is the door that right now is open, but deep down, we all know it needs to be closed. She's not ready to close it. She will NEVER be ready to close it.
I wish there was something I could do. She knows I love her, and I know that is a comfort, but sometimes love isn't enough. Her passion is still just as strong as it was when she got this job, but the reality of returning fades with each day, and she is clinging with all that she's got that it doesn't fade.
I want my sister happy. I want all of her dreams to come true. I want each day to give her hope. I just don't really know how to do it. Maybe a visit to BMS? Or would that be too hard? Is that even an option? I mean, school is in session...we can't just show up and expect people to stop what they are doing to visit with her.
She is really, really down. She doesn't want to be alone. If anyone out there has time and love for my sister, please reach out to her.